I'm Sick Of Apologising But I Always Will
by ImagineDreamForever
Summary: "Peeta and I grow back together. There are still moments where he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children. But his arms are there to comfort me and eventually is lips." A series of one-shots about how Katniss and Peeta make it through the struggles of their past. Lots of Everlark romance.
1. Chapter 1

**I guys, I know I'm in the middle of writing some other stories at the moment but this idea just wouldn't leave me. I really hop you like it! Lots of sappy romance but I love writing that, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- All credit for the amazing Hunger Games goes to Suzanne Collins**

* * *

It's a long time before I decide to start visiting Peeta again. Everything about him reminds me of the arena and my past. But it really took me this long to figure out... I can't live without him.

When I wake up in the middle of the night screaming from a nightmare that seemed too real to have been made up in my mind, I'm alone. When I dream Peeta's dying I spend the rest of the night sitting in the lounge room drinking warm milk until I see him turn on his light the next morning so I know he's okay. Too long I've been to scared to see him again because I'm afraid the memories will come back. But maybe it'll help; maybe knowing I can see him again will stop the nightmares.

I can't be sure and I almost turn back when I reach his door. I often wonder if he feels the same way I do, I'd be surprised if he didn't but it'd been so long, I didn't know what Peeta was like now. _Just do it Katniss _I tell myself as I raise my hand to the door. I take a deep breath before knocking and it takes everything I have to not run away before he answers.

I hear footsteps followed by the door handle shaking from lack of use. The door opens and I see him standing in front of me dressed in worn navy pants and a simple white shirt. He's hair is messy and I know he doesn't get out much.

"Katniss..." he says, surprised. His eyes widened, I knew I was the last person he was expecting to see. It was nice to hear his voice though, not scary.

"Hey..." I answer quietly, glancing from my feet to him. We stand there for a while, neither one of us knowing what to say. It's a long few minutes before he steps forward, opens his arms and envelops me in a hug. Without warning I burst into tears and for the first time, I feel okay because I know he's there, whispering soothing words into my ear as he holds me close.

We stay there for a while before he leads me into his house and we sit on the lounge, where he lets me lie on his lap as he runs his hands through my messy hair. "It's been a while..." he says eventually. He's voice is hoarse from lack of use but it's still him.

"I know," I whisper in response. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he answers quickly. "How've you been?"

I sigh and stop the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. "Honestly? Terrible…" I tell him but I could tell he already knew. "What about you?"

"No better…" he replies simply. We struggle to say more than a few words to each other at a time. But to be honest, all I want at the moment is to be with him.

We sit silently for a long time; Peeta continues to run his fingers through my hair. He makes sudden movements sometimes, his fingers clutch my hair and I wonder if he's having a flashback. But still, I hadn't seen him in so long, I wasn't even sure if he still had them.

"Are you hungry?" he asks after a while.

"Thirsty," I reply and he nods, lifting me up and leaving me on the lounge as he walks to the kitchen.

I watch him search around the cupboards until he finds a glass. I notice he's blinking a lot, squeezing his eyes together every now and then but I try to ignore it. But the next thing I know, the glass goes crashing to the floor and he's holding on the bench top, breathing heavily.

"Peeta?" I ask worriedly, standing from my place on the lounge.

"Get out…" he says quickly. I can see his hands turning white from gripping so hard and I start to panic.

"Peeta? Are you okay?" I ask. What am I thinking; of course he's not okay.

"Just get out Katniss, I mean it," he says again, his voice sounding harsh towards the end.

I think about staying and trying to help him, but I quickly decide to listen to him and run to the door, shutting it behind me. I crash to my knees, leaning up against the wall next to the door as my tears start once again.

I've spent so long thinking about my own problems that I haven't even considered what Peeta must be going through. I can hear him still, inside the house, a loud noise, echoing every now and then and I know he's trying to control himself.

I sit there for what seems like hours before everything goes silent and the door opens. I look up at him, my face still damp with tears and he closes his eyes, shaking his head.

"Katniss… I'm so sorry," he whispers, sitting down next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I shake my head, burring it in the curve of his neck. "I never knew…" I tell him, my voice muffled.

"I didn't want you too," he replies, his voice pained.

"Why not?" I ask him, lifting my head and looking into his eyes. "I should have been there to help you…"

"I don't want you to see me like that," he tells me. "I don't want to hurt you… I don't want you to think of me as a monster."

"I'd never…" I shake my head and don't finish my sentence.

"You still dream about it don't you?" he asks quietly. I nod. "I hear you sometimes at night… So many times I've thought about going over to see if you're okay but I'm not sure if it'll help or just make it worse."

I shake my head and say, "that's why I came today… I miss you… I need you in my life."

He gives me a soft smile and wiped my cheeks dry. "I'm always here if you need me."

And at that moment I knew he was telling the truth. We'd get through this… together.

* * *

**I really hoped you liked it! Thanks for reading! Please let me know if you'd like to read more, it would really mean a lot :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for all the positive feedback, it really means a lot :) This chapter is set a long while after the last one so I hope you like it!**

**A special thank you to; **MissMura**, **SkittlesGal**, **InSaNeAnNiE**, **LoveHungerGamesJH**, **'Liv'** and **iheartweasleytwins** for your reviews, you're all amazing! **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- All credit for the amazing Hunger Games goes to Suzanne Collins**

* * *

The games were a long time ago now. Peeta and I have been trying to forget but there are days when it feels like it was only yesterday we came out of the arena.

It took a long time for Peeta to convince me into having children. I had been so sure I never wanted to start a family but the look in his eye every time he bring it up was enough to eventually convince me.

When I finally said yes we went on to talk about how we would handle it mentally. I was still having nightmares and Peeta still had flashbacks. Some days more than others. We were concerned but isn't that what parenting is supposed to be like? Being scared of the risks as well as excited about having someone else to take care off?

I'm terrified. I don't know if I'm ready to be a mum. Actually I know I'm not ready to be a mum. I'm scared that the doctors are going to hand me my baby and I'm going to feel nothing. No feelings of compassion... or love.

I lay on the lounge, staring at my swollen stomach, still worrying. I hate being alone, I feel safe when I'm with Peeta but he doesn't like me coming to the bakery like this. He worried for my safety and our future son or daughter.

I snap out of my trance when the door opens and in walks Peeta. He's covered in flour as usual but looks as handsome as ever.

"You're early," I say, standing up and walking to the door.

He hangs his coat at the door and kisses me on the cheek. "Am I?" he replies.

"A little," I tell him.

"How are you feeling?" he asks me and walks over to the sink, a piece of whit cloth still wrapped around his hand from when he walked in the door.

I sigh, "lonely..."

He gives me a sympathetic smile as I sit back on the lounge. I don't realize right away but when I do I can tell he's trying to hide it from me. He's unwrapped the cloth from his hand and running it under the cool water from the tap.

"Peeta!" I exclaim, standing up, probably a little to fast for my condition. "What happened?" I ask, walking over to him.

"Nothing, nothing," he tries to shake it off but I can plainly see the blood red liquid running from a deep slit through his palm.

"That's not nothing..." I tell him, picking up the cloth to see it stained with red.

"I accidentally cut myself that's all," he replies but I can tell he's not being sincere.

"Peeta..." I say, "tell me the truth."

There's a long pause before he sighs deeply and answers me. "I had another flashback while I was holding a bread knife... I didn't know what I was doing."

I close my eyes and swallow, "Here," I say, trying not to show my pain. "Let me help you."

"I'm fine," he replies. "Just go and lie down, you need your rest." He looks down at the blood washed water draining down the sink as it travels over his hand. His other hand is gripped to the edge of the sink, harder than necessary.

I took in a sharp breath in worry, "Don't worry about me, just let me help."

"Katniss please," he said, a little more sternly than I think he indented.

I stepped back and let the fear how in my eyes. It was then he gripped the edge of the sink harder, the pressure from the cut causing more blood to flow from his hand. He takes in short, sharp breaths and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to rid the image. "Peeta…" I almost whisper, wanting to step closer but knowing I shouldn't.

"You!" he shouts all of a sudden, turning around. I gasp and stumble backward. He had that look in his eye… the same one he had all those years ago when he returned from the Capitol.

"Peeta please…" I beg, stepping back as he follows me.

"Don't talk to me!" he says harshly. The next thing I know, he has me pinned against the wall, his arm under my neck, pressing hard but not hard enough to completely cut of my breathing. It takes me a second to remember that it's just a flashback and I look deeper into his eyes and know that the real Peeta is still there somewhere.

"Peeta it's me, Katniss, I'm your wife, not your enemy. I'm not trying to hurt you, you have to believe me. I love you!" I start crying and wrap my arms around my stomach, concerned for the baby's safety. Peeta would never forgive himself if something happened to it.

His teeth are clenched and his breathing is ragged but he glances from my eyes to my stomach, still pinning me down. "Please Peeta, it's me, your wife… please," I tell him over and over again.

For a long time he doesn't say anything, he just stares at me. Eventually the blood from his hand starts seeping through my shirt and he glances at the red liquid. His eyes widen and he snatchers his hands off my. I let out I breath of relief as my airway clears and sink to the floor.

He glances from his hand to the cloth and me on the floor. Finally I see the flashback leave his eyes but it's replaced with guilt and shock. Just like it is every time. "Katniss…" he sighs.

"Don't…" I whisper. "It's alright."

"No… it's not," he say, shaking his head. He grabs the cloth again and holds it to his hand.

"Peeta, I understand, it's- it's okay," I repeat.

"No Katniss!" he almost shouts, throwing the cloth to the ground. "It's not! It's not okay… I'm sick of this, I can't stand it… having to see you hurt after every one I get."

"Stop," I say calmly, standing up. "Come here," I take his good hand and lead him to the lounge. I grab a bandage and a cold cloth and sit down next to him. I clean the remainder of the blood and tart to wrap the bandage around the wound.

"I'm so sorry…" he whispers.

"I know," I reply as I tie off the bandage.

"I'm scared I'm going to hurt…"

"The baby?" I cut him off. "Me..? never…" I don't know if I'm right but I don't let him say anything else. "I love you and I always will."

He nods and lifts my chin placing a kiss to my lips and it's enough to tell me he will always feel the same.

* * *

**I really hope you liked it! Please review, it's what keeps me writing :)**


End file.
